ass joke (ass - shortened scientific name for men: ass - assholic sapiens sapiens)

http://www.frostcloud.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17178

hope you enjoy this one as much as i did....

The Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)


(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)

(C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)


Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face
and laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart

One for the ladies.......

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What
setting do I use on the washing machine?'

'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, ' University
of Oklahoma .'



And they say blondes are dumb...



A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, "I'll miss you"



'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the
shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn
like this?'

'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.


Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor


Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for
his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.

AMEN


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.

-----------------------------------------------

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling
your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.


-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'

the double edged social norms

over lunch, some co-workers discussed about this Austrian guy on the news...

Austria: Father allegedly held daughter captive 24 years, sired 7 children with her

AMSTETTEN, Austria (AP) - Authorities said a man confessed Monday to imprisoning his daughter for 24 years and fathering seven children with her in a windowless cell that stunned Austrians dubbed a «house of horrors.
Police official Franz Polzer said the suspect, now 73, also told investigators that he tossed the body of one of the children in an incinerator after the child died...

for details you can click here -- > sick fuck

i do not know if beneath my co-workers' conservative natures lie perverted sirens waiting to be unleashed -who would discuss such things over lunch? well, in our kind of work we can't discuss anything except during lunchtime so that explains why, over a sought after second meal of day, we ended up discussing a sick man who had his daughter as his concubine for years.

well, in this world, every second, a perverted act is done and everywhere, there's a pervert doing his/her/its kink to somebody/something (or maybe just writing for her blog about her comrade who has fallen but has gained world-wide recognition)...

especially now that i am about to have a daughter of my own, and also fearing for her own life - she might become a victim of other perverts or become a pervert herself (like her mom and dad) - as much as i abhor the social order, during these situations, when i get to hear this kind of sick shit has happened to somebody, i get to think about the women who are close (and will become close) to me...and i, for a moment, close my eyes and breathe a sigh of thanks that this kind of bestial act has not happened to them and i draw a deeper breath and hopefully mutters that this will never, ever happen to them - or to anyone, woman or man..

this kind of act actually brings you back to the practicability that the social norms offer - it gives you a kind of stability, a kind of order...you get to ask that, amidst the social norms, why does such act still exist...and you get to imagine what if there were no social norms and such an act (along with other equally heinous acts) are normally accepted in society?

well, maybe we would squirm and find it disgusting...

but then again, this is what social norms did - it made some acts heinous and unacceptable...so we were all conditioned to think that such acts are also heinous and acceptable...but if we were brought up with an idea that everything is normal, then it wouldn't be too bad i think...
but still, we are living in this normalized society so anybody who was kind enough to finish this article would still think - man, no matter how you philosophize or psychologize it, it's still fucking disgusting...

damn, fuck social norms...and fuck that asshole!

she's 23, she's pretty and she's a man....

One of the most difficult things to bear while growing up is being constantly reminded that your parents did not have a lot time to think about precision while they were making you - i mean, they could have at least tried to make you nose a little bit tinier or your lips fuller or your skin whiter...but no...they can't do it and even if they could, they wouldn't have time to think about such things while being caught in the realm of ecstasy or problematizing how to get there...

okay moving on, we tried to forgive our parents and constantly reminded ourselves with the cliche, beauty is skin deep (shyt!) - even if we really did not and still do not believe such thing...we tried to do good in other stuffs and contented ourselves with what we have and of course tried to look at the mirror the least possible times - only when somebody comments how nice (only nice, never beautiful or pretty!) your hair looks like, or that your lips are red and so on and so forth...

well, you sometimes forget about that already and you get to love a normal life - especially now that you might be busy with your work, or that you already have a lot of money so you can do some of the alterations that you have always wanted or maybe you haven't been sober for a long time to actually contemplate how you look like...

and then here comes this picture and this story....



It was one of those days in the office when life was monotonous and boring...then, my korean officemate showed me this picture and lo and behold, pregnant as i was, this person just stirred my consciousness off...

like, fuck, she's god damn pretty...



then two of my male co-teachers joined us...and they had the same reaction...i even sent this to my boyfriend and he also found her beautiful...




then, my korean officemate poured cold water over us...



in broken english, and a wide grin on her face, she said... "She transgender," and snickered.

and the word TRANSGENDER echoed again and again and again - TRANSGENDER, TRANSGENDER, TRANSGENDER...

so much for fairness and justice and the famous Christian line, "HE MADE US ACCORDING TO HIS LIKENESS AND IMAGE."

it gets you to think, what part of the likeness was she/he/it made of? and what part of the likeness was i?

bwahahahahahaha!

anyway, would you do her even if you know she's a man?

i would... (Snicker!)

a nostalgic experience which is quite not

while we were already enjoying a more casual ambiance after the wedding, one of my ex-classmates commented that all of us had gone to attend a wedding (well, i, technically, had gone to a reception - i didn't go to the church ceremony anymore) and ended up discussing a classmates' finale of her disastrous marriage - an annulment - more of an impending finale really because she hasn't gone through the whole process yet...

but as we have gone on our separate ways, i at the back of a taxi with my tummy due in two months, and my classmates in their respective houses or taxis (those who had gone home the same time that i did), as anybody would do on that occasion, i could not help myself from falling asleep. it was already 3 am and i had a long day.

that night, we talked about everything we could think of - especially how the theories we learned in college, theories that we were so definite of, have become less and less probable and more complicated.

we imagine how we used feminism, post-structuralism, structuralism, marxism, and all the other isms to explain almost everything that we believe in. oh, that night, i could again the fiery and intoxicating blissfulness of idealism. our ideas were so raw, so innocent and hopelessly, for my case, stupid.

the lives that we lived then were so different from what we have now - of course, we are not students anymore. but aside from that, new ties were made, new fuck bodies are being continuously discovered, new lives were given to, allegiance to different theories have changed, new norms that have been broken and followed and all of the thinkable and unthinkable that could ever happen to us.

oh, i wish i could write what has happened to our lives - each of our lives - for me to trace the change and see how much of these changes have done us good or bad. but i couldn't. i have secluded myself from that i hardly know what they were like in college and i do not have any idea how they are living their lives now.

but still i kept on nodding every time they talk about the changes that we have all undergone. i kept on muttering weird. i can't count anymore how many times i had said the word weird that night - seeing one of our classmates getting married and entering the homicidal word of the domesticated life, hearing one of our classmates recounting every painful detail of her bitter marriage, seeing myself having a baby months from now and worrying about the expenses, finally getting the confirmation straight from a classmate who has finally come out of the closet....

weird because at the end of it all, when i look back, i really do not know who they are and who they were. and if i think of being nostalgic, to explain that what i felt that night and while i am writing this entry. but nostalgia is rooted from something that you have been acquainted to or you have experienced sometime in the past - and what i have now and that night was just the present...so there is nothing to be nostalgic about...

h.l mencken

HE LOOKS LIKE PAULO CONTIS hehehehehe!


It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything.

I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency.

This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

you are going to love and hate this guy...remember that guy you once had the (un)fateful chance of getting acquainted with?

you know, that witty guy who made you laugh and at the same time grunt?

that guy who is never pleased by anything except for his cynicism?

well, he's that guy...

too bad he's dead - or maybe it was the best thing to happen for most people....

here are some of his quotes that can really gnaw on your guts...

you can either enjoy them in a pleasurable way or in a cynically distorted kind of way... i experienced the latter...

• A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
  
• A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
  
• A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.
  
• A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground.
  
• A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas.
  
• A society made up of individuals who were all capable of original thought would probably be unendurable.
• A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.
  
• Adultery is the application of democracy to love.
  
• All government, of course, is against liberty.
  
• All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.
  
• An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
  
• Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.
  
• As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft.
  
• Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.
  
• Before a man speaks it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks, it is seldom necessary to assume it.
  
• Communism, like any other revealed religion, is largely made up of prophecies.
  
• Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
  
• Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
  
• Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.
  
• Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.
  
• Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven.
  
• Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.
  
• Don't overestimate the decency of the human race.
  
• Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.
  
• Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.
  
• Every man is his own hell.
  
• Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself.
  
• Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
  
• Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.
  
• For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.
  
• For every problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.
  
• For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe. Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end.
  
• Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good.
  
• Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.
  
• Honor is simply the morality of superior men.
  
• Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient.
  
• I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upon anyone.
  
• I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time.
  
• I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave. And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant.
  
• I confess I enjoy democracy immensely. It is incomparably idiotic, and hence incomparably amusing.
  
• I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs.
  
• I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense.
  
• I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them.
  
• I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine.
  
• I write in order to attain that feeling of tension relieved and function achieved which a cow enjoys on giving milk.
  
• If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.
  
• If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier and also a good deal more foolish.
  
• Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time.
  
• In the duel of sex woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft.
  
• In war the heroes always outnumber the soldiers ten to one.
  
• Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what sting is justice.
  
• It doesn't take a majority to make a rebellion; it takes only a few determined leaders and a sound cause.
  
• It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
  
• It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.
  
• It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.
  
• It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods.
  
• It is not materialism that is the chief curse of the world, as pastors teach, but idealism. Men get into trouble by taking their visions and hallucinations too seriously.
  
• It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.
  
• Judge: a law student who marks his own examination-papers.
  
• Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.
  
• Let's not burn the universities yet. After all, the damage they do might be worse.
  
• Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas.
  
• Life is a dead-end street.
  
• Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible for those who have had any experience with them.
  
• Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
  
• Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
  
• Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
  
• Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly.
  
• Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her head on.
  
• Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so long ago.
  
• Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?
  
• Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
  
• Morality is the theory that every human act must be either right or wrong, and that 99 % of them are wrong.
  
• Most people are unable to write because they are unable to think, and they are unable to think because they congenitally lack the equipment to do so, just as they congenitally lack the equipment to fly over the moon.
  
• Most people want security in this world, not liberty.
  
• Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
  
• Nine times out of ten, in the arts as in life, there is actually no truth to be discovered; there is only error to be exposed.
  
• No man ever quite believes in any other man. One may believe in an idea absolutely, but not in a man.
  
• No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.
  
• No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.
  
• No matter how long he lives, no man ever becomes as wise as the average woman of forty-eight.
  
• No one in this world has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people. Nor has anyone ever lost public office thereby.
  
• Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
  
• One may no more live in the world without picking up the moral prejudices of the world than one will be able to go to hell without perspiring.
  
• Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian.
  
• Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true.
  
• Poetry has done enough when it charms, but prose must also convince.
  
• Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
  
• Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
  
• Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.
  
• Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.
  
• Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse.
  
• Temptation is an irresistible force at work on a movable body.
  
• The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line.
  
• The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal.
  
• The chief contribution of Protestantism to human thought is its massive proof that God is a bore.
  
• The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated.
  
• The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor.
  
• The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
  
• The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught.
  
• The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.
  
• The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable.
  
• The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.
  
• The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear - fear of the unknown, the complex, the inexplicable. What he wants above everything else is safety.
  
• The only cure for contempt is counter-contempt.
  
• The only really happy folk are married women and single men.
  
• The opera is to music what a bawdy house is to a cathedral.
  
• The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.
  
• The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.
  
• The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.
  
• The urge to save humanity is almost always only a false-face for the urge to rule it.
  
• The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.
  
• The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.
  
• The worst government is often the most moral. One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane. But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
  
• Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing.
  
• There are men so philosophical that they can see humor in their own toothaches. But there has never lived a man so philosophical that he could see the toothache in his own humor.
  
• There is a saying in Baltimore that crabs may be prepared in fifty ways and that all of them are good.
  
• There is always an easy solution to every problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.
  
• Time stays, we go.
  
• To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia - to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess.
  
• To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true!
  
• Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.
  
• War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands.
  
• We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine.
  
• We must be willing to pay a price for freedom.
  
• We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
  
• Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.
  
• What men value in this world is not rights but privileges.
  
• When a new source of taxation is found it never means, in practice, that the old source is abandoned. It merely means that the politicians have two ways of milking the taxpayer where they had one before.
  
• When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands.
  
• Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.
  
• Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sign that he expects to be paid for it.
  
• Women always excel men in that sort of wisdom which comes from experience. To be a woman is in itself a terrible experience.
  
• Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love.

why alcohol is better than water

THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE NOTICE -- PLEASE READ AS SOON AS POSSIBLE

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine...
or some a glass of beer...
or some other adult beverage!





As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.


In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of a year, we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. coli) --- the bacteria found in feces! In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop!



However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:

Water = Poop

Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.

a glimpse of riuu

I have failed you my child - or better yet, I have failed myself and what I believe in. I think I hold the banner of those who have been trampled upon by the bias concept of this genitalia-ruled society. Yet, I have been a hypocrite. I have become my own monster - my disappointment mirrors my views of my own sex. I am not worthy to be called a woman. For even as I bear you now and celebrate womanhood in its peak, I have shunned the idea that we, in your future life, are the same.

my sister had already given birth to a baby boy... so have a close friend of mine...also my officemate...all of them have baby boys now...

so, when my boyfriend and i went to have an ultrasound of our baby, both of us were also hoping to have our own son...so when the doctor announced that it was a girl both of us were pretty shaken...

i realized, as much as woman-oriented as i am, i was also actually hoping for a boy. i was thinking (half consciously and half-unconsciously) that raising a boy would be easier and boys have easier lives than girls...

i know i know i know...it's a slap to my feminist nature...but what can i do...it is the parental instinct that is already talking here...

well, anyway, here it is...

i can hardly make out what the picture looks like but hell, a pic is a pic is a pic - well, for this case, an ultrasound is an ultrasound is an ultrasound...

welcome baby...i am not disappointed that you are a girl...i'm just scared...for you and for me...i may not become the best model for you...

unbelievable? try being human

http://www.geckotales.com/funny-newspaper-articles.htm


PLEASE TRY CLICKING ON THE IMAGE TO CLEARLY SEE THE ARTICLE OR YOU CAN COPY THE ADDRESS ABOVE AND SEE THE ARTICLES IN THE ORIGINAL SITE.

rrrrrrrrrrraging hormones....

one that would send you to your thinking chair...

rrrrrrrrrrraging hormones (part II)

ABC of Ex-Girlfriends and Wives

http://www.pigboy.co.uk/getpage.php?ref=1994

A is for Anal, which she became when she realized that you don't have a nesting syndrome. This also covers questions like "Do I look fat.." and anything beginning with, "Why do you always".

B is for Bitch. Nothing else needs be said.

C is for Cunt. See Bitch.

D is for Douche Bag. Hanging one in your bathroom is the female equivalent of pissing to mark territory. Take it, fill it with Gin and hang it by your TV chair.

E is for Estrogen. It does not mix well with testosterone. It has a tendency to dilute it and then complain when it's done its job. Another paper is being devoted to this particular topic.

F is for Fucking. Forbidden Use of Carnal Knowledge. You can Fuck, be Fucked, get Fucked and Fuck up. Something can be Fucking great or Fucking miserable. Example: She was a great Fuck! It was Fucking wonderful till I Fucked it up by getting Fucking married. Boy, was I Fucked then. F also stands for foreplay. Get in a 69 position and let her suck on your dick. This gives you an opportunity to examine her vagina and amuse yourself or see if you need an excuse to nibble on her fingers. See Vagina

G is for Gynecologist. Sure he can stick anything up there he wants, but let you pull out the candles, ice cubes and anal beads and all hell breaks loose.

H is for Hell. What she turned your life into and what broke loose when you pulled out the candles, ice cubes and anal beads.

I is for Indigo Girls. These dykes are responsible for women thinking their clitorises are actually dicks and that ovaries are a legitimate substitute for balls. Right.

J is for Jewelry. Sort of like tokens to pass through the tunnel.

K is for Kiss. An intoxicating transfer of pheromones designed to weaken your defenses and cause you to enter into a condition called "Being in Love".

L is for Love. Love is that strange phenomena that causes a man think that one piece of tail is somehow better than all the rest.

M is for Marriage. An institution where everything you ever had, have now and ever will have becomes hers.

N is for Nookie. Sure, it's the preferred choice, but really now, won't just about anything do in a pinch?

O is for Ovaries. Producers of estrogen. The cause of all your grief, but take em away and she grows a finer beard than you.

P is for Period. Never trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die!

Q is for Quicky. Women love these especially during halftime shows, while they are putting on their make up, in elevators, while making dinner and changing babies.

R is for Rules. Women somehow seem to think that they make them. LOL

S is for Sex. Remember that? It's what you had before you got married or "involved in a relationship".

T is for Tits. Size doesn't matter. Shape does. Remember, that firm pair of A's with the nipples like pencil erasers are still going to look fine 20 years down the road. Those double DD's are going to be hanging lower that the waistband of her pink, spandex toreador pants.

U is for Underwear. See "The Panty Theory"; the first appearance of a girdle in the house marks the beginning of a long road downhill.

V is for Vagina. "Nothing can be finer than to be in a vagina in the morning.." Every girl's got one. The criterion for judging the beauty of the female genitalia is rather low. A small, high placed clitoris has less inner labia and thus, isn't as nasty looking and has less area for bacteria and potential yeast infection. The down side is that it doesn't get much stimulation during inter course so she may attempt to use her finger on it. If she has a nail on that finger, chew it off during *foreplay. A big clit has lots of extra skin and is fun to pull and make "funny faces" with.

W is for "Which?". "Which dress should I wear?", "Which shoes make me look fat?". You remember, those phrases that made you dump the bitch in the first place.

X is for X-Rated. None of the girls you normally meet will ever do any of the things you see in these movies. Live with it. However, they are available to rent for about $100 per hour. Before you disregard the option, take this simple test. Add up all the costs of being in a relationship. Put a $$$ amount on it. Cabs, dinner, movies, flowers, gifts, etc. Don't forget to charge for your own valuable time not getting laid or spent listening to stories about her relatives and every detail about the latest trip to the shoe store. This will produce a "Cost of Relationship" figure. Average out the quality of your sex life and give it a number value from 1 to 10 with 1 being sex with a corpse and 10 being the best fuck of your life. Add a 0 (zero) to the right of the number and a $ to the left. Multiply that by the number of times you got laid. This will give you a "Cost of Sex" figure. Subtract that figure (yes it will be lower) from the "Cost of Relationship" figure. Do the math. This final figure is what you could be using to have the best sex of your life, every time minus of course, the "Cost of Condoms" adjustment, should you decide to add the totals together and invest in a 'Hooker Fund".

Y is for Y, as in "Eat at the Y".

Z is for Zoo. A place where animals, meant to run free, are caged and denied their natural right to eat what they want, shit where they want, go where they want and fuck when and who they want. See Marriage.

izumi shikibu

this is the only woman i love that makes me bleed through her words

They say the dead return tonight,
but you are not here.
Is my dwelling truly a house without spirit?

The semester was already about to finish and I had been literally dragging myself to my poetry class. not that the class was boring - hell it was fun being devoured by the great almighty ricardo (my teacher who happens to be one of THE POETS in our country), rather it was more because of the readings that were assigned. the dead white males, so they say. so there I was, sitting totally oblivious of what was going to happen and completely having no idea of what was going to be discussed.

Trampling the dry grass the wild boar makes his bed, and sleeps.
I would not sleep so soundly even were I without these feelings.

then, ricardo asked one of my classmates, i think it was june, to discuss whose poem she liked and why she liked it. BEWARE: You were not supposed to say "I like the poem because it's nice." It was one of the mortal sins in that course.

Will i alone be left to tell the story of our past -
destined to be numbered with old tales of painful loves?

she chose a Japanese poem. Having heard that did not stir me from my almost catatonic state in class even after she mentioned who the poet was. (How was I supposed to know who that person was?!). Then she recited the line:

Even if i saw you only once, I will long for you through worlds world.

And it just brought me back to that small room with ricardo and the rest of my classmates (there were only 12 of us).

ME: That was the whole poem?

I quietly asked my classmate.

Come quickly -
as soon as these flowers open, they fall -
this world exists as a sheen of dew on flowers

ME: Who is the poet again?

Izumi Shikibu

ME: Is that a man?

And from then on my obsession for her started.

In this world love has no color --
but how deeply my body is stained by yours.

To think about this woman who was born in a wrong time - she was way, way to advance for her time (brought upon maybe by her own character or the situation she was in – she left her husband for another man who eventually died which led her to have more illicit affairs with other men every now and then) and the things that she wrote just crushes me.

This heart is not a summer field and yet -
how dense love's foliage has grown.

She is a woman who was capable of bottling her emotions into concreteness with just a handful of words. I, not liking long, tedious reading, immediately fell in love with her words. For even as they were short, the actually paint you the completeness of her ideas. And that’s how I define poetry – in one way.

When I think of you,
fireflies in the marsh rise like the soul's jewels,
lost to eternal longing, abandoning my body.

a not so long wasted life

How I long for the times I spent the nights wasted and unfeeling, unmindful of the things that might come but too intoxicated with the dreams I long to achieve – with this child I carry those nights with me, but I know not if I could relive those nights…nights that I spent in the lonely streets of this city, the streets that reflect this long kept heart…

this world is overpouring with demented assholes

i was about to write something about one of the issues facing my country today when i noticed an officemate's desktop background - a topless fairy, in thongs, lewdly posed to expose her crotch.

a typical titillating image, something that i have outgrown years ago (i go for the wilder pictures now)

and something which should not bother me...

well that's if the computer was not in a school where students as young as EIGHT study.

it was lunch time and most of the people were still out for lunch. but the monitor was turned on for all to see and the little kids were scurrying off anywhere, as what they are supposed to do. an lo and behold, there the fairy sits in her lecherous pose. i did of course, as a social responsibility and knowing how to keep my own lustful ideas well-kept inside my computer, tried to put some sense into him..

ME: "Excuse me, Teacher @#*&#$, what were you thinking when you chose that picture as your desktop background?"

THE #$#@: "Oh, you mean the fairy?"

NOTE: if you were so innocent then why do you already know i was talking about that god damned fairy?!!!

ME:Yes

THE #$#@: It was for a friend. i downloaded it for him.

ANOTHER NOTE: Do you need to post it as a desktop background after downloading it if you just intended to give it to a friend?!!!! What were you doing? Trying it out to see if it looks fucking good?!

THE #$#@: Yeah, yeah I should change it.

To add insult to injury, he called me and asked...

T HE #$#@: Was this the picture that you saw, heek, heek (snicker)?

(by that time he already changed the picture into this green, stupid-looking dinosaur)

i do not know what he was thinking about the situation and what he took me for but he should be thankful for the language barrier...

its gnawing on me

only this morning a 3 year old girl has been reported to be raped by a 17 year old guy...

only recently, a bill was passed protecting minors from being convicted of any crimes - no matter how heinous?

so this 17 year old guy will just run free as if nothing happened...he might get a kind of punishment but not fit to what he did to that girl and that's girl life...

as for the girl's father, he requested the mayor to grant him liberty to kill the guy....

2 weeks ago, i just found out my baby is a girl...

parenthood is gnawing on me...

i just do not fear for my child - the thought of her becoming somebody's prey and i not being able to do anything

i also fear for my child - the thought of her preying on somebody and i not being able to do anything

dead boy's poem

Born from silence, silence full of it
A perfect concert my best friend
So much to live for, so much to die for
If only my heart had a home

Sing what you can't say
Forget what you can't play
Hasten to drown into beautiful eyes
Walk within my poetry, this dying music
- My loveletter to nobody

Never sigh for better world
It's already composed, played and told
Every thought the music I write
Everything a wish for the night

Wrote for the eclipse, wrote for the virgin
Died for the beauty the one in the garden
Created a kingdom, reached for the wisdom
Failed in becoming a god

Never sigh for better world
It's already composed, played and told
Every thought the music I write
Everything a wish for the night

"If you read this line, remember not the hand that wrote it
Remember only the verse, songmaker's cry the one without tears
For I've given this its strength and it has become my only strength.
Comforting home, mother's lap, chance for immortality
Where being wanted became a thrill I never knew
The sweet piano writing down my life"

"Teach me passion for I fear it's gone
Show me love, hold the lorn
So much more I wanted to give to the ones who love me
I'm sorry
Time will tell [this bitter farewell]
I live no more to shame nor me nor you

And you... I wish I didn't feel for you anymore..."

A lonely soul... An ocean soul..

the mist

i have wanted to write about this movie for a while but i just can' find time to do so...with all the pressure my korean boss has put on me (arghhh!)... which should be another blog entry...

i watched the movie a couple of weeks ago and it was not something nice - hell! it was far from nice...if you have the kicks for the happily ever after endings, you better not watch this movie. you might just end up wallowing in bitterness and driven to the brink of a nervous breakdown...

what stirred my interest to write about the film (a rare occurrence!) was when comments about the movie's ending was mauled by almost everyone who owns a blog and has some sensibility (not enough, though) to comment about the movie.

funny really because they think the ending was a crap...hahahahahaha! i bet not a fourth of those who commented harshly against the movie even have a legitimate training in the basics of story telling...

yes, yes,yes...people are entitled to their own opinion and you do not need any degree or training to have an opinion about something, so i should not start berating them for what they think...

well, so am i... (so much for logical reasoning! bwahahahahaha!)

anyway, they think the ending doesn't justify the hardships and struggles of the characters...that the character was not supposed to do what he did in the ending... ( i am no spoiler )

i think most of these people missed the idea between movies and our INTELLIGENCE to decipher what a certain movie really means...

not because it was a stephen king piece, it doesn't mean that it has to be just all about suspense...the movie is beyond that..if you insist that it isn't, then you just might as well shut up... there is no sense wasting time listening to (or reading) other people's ideas if in the first place those ideas were made by people whose means of understanding do not go beyond the superficial packaging of a story, may it be in written or movie form...

the story, if you haven't noticed, is not all about the mist and the monsters it brought...though they brought upon the happenings in the story, the movie did not really talk about the what's, the why's and the how's of the mist...it was all about what the mist did to the people...this, in turn, makes the movie a movie talking about HUMANS and the "HUMANESS" of these creatures, how the people reacted to the mist and what it brought...how these characters reacted to a certain stimuli differently...the ending is the most probable thing that could happen if any man, i mean any and that includes you, is faced with that kind of situation...and that includes all of the things that happened in the film…even the religious fiasco…the movie doesn't talk about your fictional characters who survived zombie or mutated creature attacks…the movie was all about HUMANS, real people reacting to a certain situation…

well, that’s it. I’m tired and I have other things to do..my Korean employer might show up and see me doing things that he is not paying me to do…the last thing he wants to see is somebody leisurely doing fun stuffs while he is paying them to worrk for him…okay ciao!

being a part of the statistics

i know the picture doesn't have anything to do with what i have written here but WHO CARES?!

in my 6 months of pregnancy and so bored with life(i quit smoking and drinking), i finally found the time to actually try out this blogging craze. i mean people have been telling me that this blogging thing actually makes some people rich. well, i said, ok, fine since i have not much to do, i mean other than work, eat, sleep and rot.

then my boyfriend (that sounds nice: i'm pregnant and all with our baby and i still find it a little bit uneasy to refer to him using the english noun for somebody who you have been dating/mating with steadily) sent me this link for somebody's blog which has been earning really, really good. i have no plans of competing against him - i mean, if it's appropriate to use the word compete between two incomparable things: read - a blog that has been earning hundreds of thousands of dollars and a blog that doesn't even know where to put the apostrophe in DOESN'T. hahahaha!

anyway, it's nice though. i mean if i do not get rich with this blogging stuff, i think it would be a good diversion from work and my life. i feel so pathetic - imagine, somebody who is using blogging as a way to get life. man, that's sickening.

so here's goes nothing...

P.S.
i do not even know if other people would really get to read this...it's okay.i have been so used to my schizophrenic self that talking to myself has become something so natural. so whether somebody reads this blog or not, it doesn't really matter.

let's start blogging... (<--- ending is pathetic!)


BWAHAHAHAHAHA!